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I have talked about how to use mindfulness and the physical sensations list to help you identify emotions. In this post, I want to talk about the second part of mindfulness, non-judgment. This post continues with “Melanie’s flare on mindfulness” because I will talk a lot about the importance of mental health within the constructs of mindfulness.  

Emotions

Emotions are naturally occurring experiences in our bodies. I was listening to a podcast recently where the interviewer asked the interviewee how she deals with insecurity. Her response was profound and can apply to dealing with emotions as well. She said, “each person can be vulnerable and emotional, and it is okay to feel that way. When we are hungry, we eat. When we are thirsty, we drink water. You have to give your body what your mind is asking for. Sometimes it is okay to allow yourself to feel.” Please take a moment to reread and let it settle.  

It is okay to feel! If you do not allow yourself to feel your emotions, it will lead to unhealthy ways of coping. When feelings are ignored, it always leads to avoidance, escapism, distraction, and numbing. It may look like drinking alcohol to numb, self-harm to avoid, Netlixing to escape, overeating to distract, or internalizing and not talking to ignore it altogether.  

Judgment

Emotions are difficult to manage because of judgment. We judge ourselves for having them, and other people judge us for experiencing them. Judgment starts externally from what we hear other people say then adopt as our narrative. Here SOME of the judgments I have heard about mental health and emotions.  

-Feelings are a sign of weakness

-Just suck it up

-Stop being a baby 

-Don’t be a pu*** (only ever directed at guys)

-Stop being crazy

-What is there in your life to be anxious/depressed/angry about

-You are ruining your day; just stop

-Other people have it worse than you

-I wish you were more fun

-Your mood is bringing everyone else down

-You have no reason to feel anxious/depressed/angry

-‘This’ is inconvenient 

Unfortunately, these are comments I have heard not just inside the therapy room. These are comments that I have heard from my clients’ firsthand experience and in my personal life.

Aside from being just plain mean, rude, and disrespectful, these comments are harmful. These are judgments. Judgment invalidates emotion. Judgment is detrimental to someone who is experiencing a mental health or emotional health struggle.  

Whether the judgment occurs externally or internally, it invalidates the emotion. This is the improper way to manage emotions. This does not promote healing.  

If someone said they were thirsty, you wouldn’t tell them they have no reason to be thirsty. If a person with diabetes said their sugar was low, you wouldn’t tell them to stop being crazy. So why are people who are anxious, depressed, or angry being told these things?!

If you ever said something like this to someone else…

It is okay, we are all human and we all make mistakes but please STOP! What you are saying or what you have said is hurtful. If you do not understand it that is fine, you don’t have to understand. If you don’t agree with it, that’s fine no one asked you to agree.

This is not your experience. If you want to be supportive but don’t know how simply ask the person opening up to you how you can help them. Or you could ask them what they need. But please remember their experience is not about you.

If someone has ever said this to you…

We live in a society where only recently the stigma of mental health is beginning to lift (don’t get me wrong, we still have a long ways to go).  Unfortunately, individuals saying comments like this are invalidating your emotions. They also do not understand mental health and emotional health. Do not allow these invalidators tell you what is best.

If they are not a trained professional or been through a similar experience, do not listen to them. If you are struggling emotionally and cannot find support in that moment:

1. Take a moment to identify your emotion
2. Put one hand on your heart and one hand on your stomach and BREATHE.
3. Tell yourself out loud or in your head that “everything is okay and that you are safe”

Trust yourself to support yourself and remember you do not need anyone else to validate your experience.

If you have ever responded this way to yourself…

I know we cannot control other people, but you can control how you respond to your emotions and STOP saying this to yourself. Do not say anything to yourself that you would not say to a friend. Have radical compassion for yourself if you are feeling emotional distress.

IT IS OKAY TO STRUGGLE. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Be kind to yourself.

If you are truly struggling, feel like you have no support, find a therapist. If you need help finding a therapist, reach out to me and I would be happy to connect you with the support needed.